today is yet again another bad day. a kind of day like most of my other not so great days. the difference is today i pitied my self, angry with my self and envied others. why is life have to be unfair to me and unfair to my kid?
maybe the weather is contributing a great deal to what im feeling right now. its such a hot day and so is my temper. my daughter peed on her shorts for a couple of times today and i got furious. i have been potty training her for a few months now and still she wont go to the toilet by herself when she has to. to my disappointment, i raised my voice at her. i scolded her and i'm not even sure if she understood me. then i got angry to myself. how i can do that to my daughter? she's only 3 and of all the people in the world, i'm suppose to be the one who should understand her.
late in the afternoon, i taught her to jump. you heard me right, we have to practice on how to jump. i know this is a basic skill but my daughter doesn't know how to jump from point A to point B. it is so stressful when i think of other kids who don't need to learn this skill. i know its wrong to compare her to other kids but when i get frustrated i do that. i also envied other moms who can go to the mall not worrying that their kid might run away while they are busy buying something or they can have a pleasant meal without their child throwing tantrums. these are just some of the simple things i wish i could do with my daughter.
im not a perfect mom. i get tired, i get irritated, i yell and i lose my head. everyday i have to remind myself that life is short and i cant waste a day on being grouchy. everyday i pray for guidance and patience. i'm glad i have known some moms from the school who reminds me that im not alone. it's a breath of fresh air when i talk to them coz i know they are sincere when they tell me they understand.
today, before my daughter fell asleep i told her how sorry i was for losing my patience and for scolding her. then she moved away but i followed her. i wanted to make peace with her. then she looked at me and covered my eyes to play peek a boo like nothing happened. she was happy and carefree. well i guess this day is not so bad after all. i'm my daughter's best friend and at the end of the day she can forget everything and still willing to play with me...the joy of childhood.
you know, you are not alone. I feel exactly the same way, sometimes I blame myself for giving her the MMR shots (which soon after started her regression) without researching if it be harmful. when I see kids even those from the slum areas very dirty yet very normal I become envious, sometimes I want to go to Panama and give her the stem cell injections to finally cure her (and if nothing happens it's $19,500 down the drain).everyday is a mixed emotion of hope and frustration.
ReplyDeletehi ionlink. i also thought of that stem cell thingy. of course as a parent we want to do everything for our child. yes, it's a big amount of money but if only there is a guarantee that it will cure our kids, why not. i will move mountains for my daughter.
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