A bump in the road

asd moms are  the most misunderstood people in the world. a lot of people belittle what we have to go through everyday. the tantrums, the battle of getting a slot from the speech therapist, scheduling of supplements, toilet training and the list goes on. little do they know that asd moms are human beings too. we get hurt and we cry too much. we get over sensitive when other people talk about on how our kids behave badly and questions us why we ignore them when they are on the floor and throwing everything they get their hands into.

i found this article very touching and the author has amazingly expressed what i wanted to shout out to all people. i am happy that i dont have to write a long story just to say how pissed off i am when people are so insensitive and uncaring. pls read the link.

http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/07/autism-perception-a-bump-in-the-road.html#comment-6a00d8357f3f2969e2011571511088970c

20 reasons why my daughter is perfect

1.     Her smile in the morning brings out the sunshine in a gloomy day

2.     She is willing to learn no matter how difficult it is for her and no matter how long it takes

3.     She makes the whole family celebrate every time she learns a new word

4.     She is not selfish, hurtful and demanding

5.     She taught me that happiness can also be found in solitude and silence

6.     Though it’s not easy for her to look at people in their eyes, she does it coz she knows it’s the right thing to do.

7.     She waves at people who say hi to her

8.     She brightens our living room when she dances.

9.     She is me and my husband’s favourite topic.

10.  She strives so hard to catch up cognitively with kids her age.

11. She hums a song that no one else have heard of.

12. Her disability made me realize that im special in God’s eyes. Out of 110 moms, I was chosen to receive a beautiful angel!

13. She knows that we have to spend money on her therapy and supplements so she never demands for toys and other personal things.

14.   She tries so hard to say anything coz when I hear one, I go crazy!

15. If she wakes up in the middle night, she will force open my eyes. It’s like telling me “mama look at me im awake, pls put me back to sleep”

16. Her tantrums had taught me on how to stay calm.

17. She taught me that playing pretend and making flashcards are more meaningful than wasting my time on facebook.

18. She taught me that there is a thing called unconditional love.

19.She is trusting, carefree and always happy.

20. She is my daughter and no matter what she will always be perfect to me.

being in an inclusion program

when the school principal informed me that my daughter will be in an inclusion program, i was thrilled. i have been wanting her to be in a group of typical kids because one of the skills my daughter lacks is social. i remember when my daughter was having a one on one session with her speech therapist then suddenly 2 boys came in and took some toys from the room. my daughter started screaming and throwing the pegs on the table. she doesn't know how to behave when there are kids around invading her small little world. 
it's almost a month now since the first day of toddler class. there were 5 kids in the class. 2 kids were special. 1 is my daughter and the other 1 has GDD. on thursdays and fridays 1 cute kid with DS join their group for an hour. everyday the school will provide snacks for them and they will eat together. sometimes i will hear my daughter screaming during snack time. when i ask her teacher what happened she said its because she is teaching her to eat the food given to her and not to grab her classmate's food and sometimes she gets so excited when the food is served and don't want to wait for the teacher. when she's asked to sit and wait then she will try to manipulate her teacher by crying. of course the teacher will not give in that's why there were quite few times when my daughter was dismissed late because she ate late. after eating, they will go to the toilet to brush their teeth and wash their hands. 
now i can say that my daughter can tolerate being with kids in a room. one time, i ask her to hold her classmate's hand and go inside the room. she did it. now she don't mind being too close with other kids and i think she is happier being with them than having an one on one class.

developmental review

On June 14 we went to PCMC for my daughter's first reevaluation. it has been 6 months after her initial evaluation with her new neuro dev. we were at the hospital 3 hours before our appointment because we also had a schedule with her neurologist. 

when we entered the clinic, my daughter looked around and saw plenty of toys. i believe kids find it more comfortable when they see toys in clinics, but my daughter is not one them. she likes her neurologist's clinic more than her pedia and neurodev's because there's nothing in there for kids but a pack of crayons and coloring books. the neuro dev's clinic was colorful and attractive but that could not make my daughter stay inside without resistance.

during the task, she exhibited whining but eventually she complied with the activity shown to her. the evaluation per se took around an hour to finish. here is the result:

Chronological age at the time of assessment:3 yrs and 9 months

developmental domain       Estimated Developmental age

                                                           previous                current

Gross motor                                  1.11yrs                  2.7yrs    

Personal-social                          1.2yrs                    2.2yrs

Fine motor                                    1.10yrs                  2.5yrs

Hearing and Speech                 9months                11 1/2months

Perfomance(nonverbal)          1.3yrs                    2.9yrs

Practical reasoning                    n/a                         n/a

based on the result, she's functioning at 11.5months to 2.9yrs level and gains were noted on all domains. her improvement was significant on the performance(nonverbal) area. it was amazing that in a span of 6 months it jumped from 1.3yrs to 2.9yrs. even her doctor could not believe it that she have to recompute the result to see if there is any error. but there was none. i know that the heavy metal thingy has affected her cognitive skills big time and now that she is detoxing, im happy that she  slowly recovering on that area. speech is where my daughter is having a lot of difficulty .even her speech pathologist was devastated when she heard of the result. so now we are working doubly hard to improve her speech and her communication skills.

 as for the doctor's recommendations:

1. continue present therapy intervention: OT and ST
2. continue inclusion program with pull out session to increase to 3x a week
3. may start formal Sped tutorial 1-2 times a week to facilitate educational needs
4. encourage follow up intervention at home
5. engage in other activities at home:outdoor-pedaling a trike w/manuevering,bouncing  and catching ball and standing on 1 leg with no support for 5 sec 
6. listen to nursery rhymes
7. art activities: painting, scribbling, cutting paper, threading beads, molding clay of different consistency
8. play with other children
9. eat by herself, put on clothes  

in a matter of 6 months she has gained so many abilities. she can now jump from point a to b, blow bubbles, match upper case and lower case letters. eat with spoon and fork, undress herself. my daughter still has quite a number of autistic traits. she still has sensory issues that we have to resolve, potty training that we have to work hard on, speech that she has to learn, but with dedication and prayer and lots of love i know we are on the right track.i just wish that time wont fly fast so that she can learn all the things she has to learn while she's young.

how to toilet train kids with special needs

i have mentioned in my previous post how upset i was when my daughter wet herself for a few times in one day. it was very stressful after training her for a few months and now it's as if we never started it at all. i found this great website on how to potty train our kids by age of five. well, i guess it depends on the readiness of the kid. some are ready at five and some at later childhood. my daughter is 3.8 yrs old but she will be mainstreamed this coming June so we really have to work hard on this potty training. i will start teaching her again tomorrow and my target: no accidents until June 4 by then i will be confident that she will be able to carry on this skill even when she's in school.
Preparations
You will need:

• At least a couple of these readiness signs: The ability to follow simple instructions, dislike of wearing soiled diapers, regular bowel movements, or being able to stay dry for at least two hours.
• 5 (or more) pairs of sweat pants for your child that can be pulled up and down easily, without snaps, buttons or zippers. Buy the kind that are absorbent, yet will allow your child to feel wetness. These will save you from huge clean-ups.
  
• Lots of pairs of underwear (not the pull-up diapers).
• A child-size potty chair, or a stepping stool to the toilet.
  
• A motivator/reward, such as favorite candy, toy, or book.
• Three days where you can devote a good amount of your time and focus.( important)

The Procedure

1. Dress your child in her new underpants and sweats, explaining that she's a big girl now. Let her freely drink her favorite beverage. Allow her to go about her daily activities, but watch her carefully.
2. When she wets herself, say "Oh Dear! Potty goes in the potty chair!" (Or something similar.) Place her hand on the wet spot of her pants while you say this. Then take her by the hand and walk to the bathroom.
3. When you arrive at the toilet, you will guide her through the following routine, breaking it into five steps: Pull down pants, sit on the potty, wipe clean, pull up pants, wash hands. (Say those short phrases as you help her do each step.)
4. Once her hands are washed, you will lead her back to the exact spot she was standing or sitting when she had her accident. Start over as though the accident just happened. Place her hand, again, on her wet pants. "Oh Dear! Potty goes in the potty chair!" Then you will walk her back to the toilet and go through the five steps again. Repeat this entire procedure five times. (Yes, five.) Your child may cry or resist, but be calm, pleasant, and firm. After the fifth time, change her clothes and let her play.
5. About once every hour or two, ask, "Do you need to use the potty?" Even if she says no, best to take her there. Sit your child on the potty chair for ten minutes. If she has success, give the motivator...candy, a favorite book, etc. Cheer and make a big deal out of it. If nothing happens, say, "Okay, we'll try again later."
6. Anytime an accident occurs, follow steps 2, 3, and 4.

it's almost the same procedure as i did with my daughter, however, there was no step 4. i guess that is the most important part, consistency with the procedure. so i will be doing this all over again with my daughter tomorrow and hopefully accidents will be lesser on the coming days until she can independently go to the toilet all by herself. =)

bad day lesssons

today is yet again another bad day. a kind of day like most of my other not so great days. the difference is today i pitied my self, angry with my self and envied others. why is life have to be unfair to me and unfair to my kid?
maybe the weather is contributing a great deal to what im feeling right now. its such a hot day and so is my temper. my daughter peed on her shorts for a couple of times today and i got furious.  i have been potty training her for a few months now and still she wont go to the toilet by herself when she has to. to my disappointment, i raised my voice at her. i scolded her and i'm not even sure if she understood me. then i got angry to myself. how i can do that to my daughter? she's only 3 and of all the people in the world, i'm suppose to be the one who should understand her.
late in the afternoon, i taught her to jump. you heard me right, we have to practice on how to jump. i know this is a basic skill but my daughter doesn't know how to jump from point A to point B. it is so stressful when i think of other kids who don't need to learn this skill. i know its wrong to compare her to other kids but when i get frustrated i do that. i also envied other moms who can go to the mall not worrying that their kid might run away while they are busy buying something or they can have a pleasant meal without their child throwing tantrums. these are just some of the simple things i wish i could do with my daughter.
im not a perfect mom. i get tired, i get irritated, i yell and i lose my head. everyday i have to remind myself that life is short and i cant waste a day on being grouchy. everyday i pray for guidance and patience. i'm glad i have known some moms from the school who reminds me that im not alone. it's a breath of fresh air when i talk to them coz i know they are sincere when they tell me they understand. 
today, before my daughter fell asleep i told her how sorry i was for losing my patience and for scolding her. then she moved away but i followed her. i wanted to make peace with her. then she looked at me and covered my eyes to play peek a boo like nothing happened. she was happy and carefree. well i guess this day is not so bad after all. i'm my daughter's best friend and at the end of the day she can forget everything and still willing to play with me...the joy of childhood.

Seizure and Autism

during our initial evaluation with the dev ped, she required my daughter to undergo EEG evaluation. 35% of kids with autism develop seizure which may not necessarily begin in early childhood, but during the stage of adolescence. i dont see any grave signs that my daughter has seizure so why bother traveling from pampanga to PCMC to get EEG when i know she doesn't have one? so i postponed my doctor's request. BIG MISTAKE!
two weeks before Holy week, my daughter was playing on the second step of the stairs while i was doing my research on the internet. then she fell and got a big bump on the forehead and some bruises near her eye. i told myself not to panic. look for signs. vomiting, headache. loss of consciousness? none. but still my gut feeling was telling me, go get an EEG. that was my wake up call. the next day i called PCMC for an appointment.
after 1 week the result is out.
IMPRESSION: this EEG is abnormal showing focal epileptiform discharges seen to come from both frontal regions in sleep. The awake background activity is within normal limits for the patient's age.
my daughter doesn't show any signs of seizure yet the results revealed that she is having abnormal spikes in her brain during sleep.  we were then referred to a child neurologist, Dr Jose Robles. According to him some seizures are so subtle they are hardly noticed. some looks like they have spaced out and some experience a small amount of jerking on their arms and legs. i asked him if it is possible to develop a full blown seizure when she grows up, he said yes it is possible that is why medication has to start early so as not to trigger the seizure and she has to be on it for 2 years. 
i did my research on frontal lobe seizure and i found out that frontal lobe seizures usually last less than 30 seconds and often occur during sleep. signs and symptoms of frontal lobe seizure may include:

• head and eye movement to one side
• complete or partial unresponsiveness, or difficulty speaking
• explosive screams or laughter
• abnormal body posturing, such as one arm extending while the other flexes, as if the person is posing like a fencer

• repetitive movement, such as rocking or bicycling pedaling

 my daughter has 3 of these signs. could it be the reason why she's not speaking, laughs inappropriately and repeatedly closes and opens cabinet doors is because she has untreated seizure problems? if i treat her seizure could i possibly be treating her autism too? im crossing my fingers and hopefully to see positive results as we start her medication.

recognition day

a few weeks before April, the principal wanted to know if we, the sped parents, would like to have a moving on ceremony for our kids since the last time they have done it was 4 years ago. i was  thrilled with the idea that they will be having their own program like regular kids. to my excitement, i immediately asked my sister to buy her a nice Sunday dress that she could wear for the ceremony. unfortunately, she was not able to wear the lovely yellow dress that day because they were asked to wear school uniform. 
the ceremony was held in a hotel near the school. the banquet room is big enough to accommodate all the students, parents and teachers. parents sit with the kids and go with them as they receive the certificates. selected students did a song and dance number. program has to be kept short as the kids' waiting skills are short too. =)
it's time to award the deserving students. the night before the occasion, i was joking with my husband telling him that i hope my daughter will not be recognized for sleeping too often during class or being late sometimes. or she might get the best in "trip to jerusalem" award coz she always win whenever they play it, hehehe!!
when my daughter was called i saw on the screen 4 awards. best in cognitive skills, best in self help, best in writing and best in arts. i was ecstatic, immediately held my daughter's hand and up we go to the stage. just before we reached the stage, i looked at her and whispered to her ear, "im so proud of you, anak". she smiled at me. she was happy. i know she understood what she has achieved. she was happy the whole event and i was smiling the whole day. knowing that my daughter will be mainstreamed is already a blessing for us, but when i saw her awards, the days when i was shattered with my child's condition came flashing into my head. the days when i was asking God why He has forsaken me. those awards have made me realize that He never left me. that He has always been by my side all along.i know it was so wrong to question Him, but during those days it was really hard for me to accept things that easily. i may have not realized it then, but i know now that He will help me get through this rocky road. Who would have thought that my daughter will be considered for mainstream this early when my dev pedia said that it would take a few yrs hopefully when she's 7 then she can be in regular class? Life is really unpredictable. there is no one to trust but Him.


God's promises are like the stars; the darker the night the brighter they shine.  ~David Nicholas

challenging the diet

its been more than a year since i started putting my daughter on gfcf diet. i can't deny the improvements i have seen especially when it's coupled with all the supplements she's taking. last month i started to challenge it. i started giving her more food that she was not suppose to eat like cheese and bread. i'm afraid that she might regress so i still give her Trienza before she eat. i didn't notice any changes in terms of behavior. she is still hyperactive but i guess it's because we started giving her mb12 again after stopping it for 1 month. her imitation skill is still ok. i guess the only thing that changed is she started to repeatedly open and close cabinet doors. there's also a very minimal hand flapping when scolded.i have informed my DAN about it and she didn't agree on stopping the diet. i have given a few excuses not to continue with the diet, still it's a no no to her. to be honest, it is really not easy for me not to give her food that she wanted to eat. she is not gaining any weight at all. for the past 7 months she is still 13.5 kg! even if she eats more, still her weight remains unchanged.
this coming june my daughter will be mainstreamed toddler class. this means that she will be eating with 6 kids and none of them are on diet. of course, those kids' meal are more appealing compared to her food coz they are wrapped in those glossy plastic and hers is from the tupperware =(. although i have been baking delicious cookies, brownies and cupcakes for her (i know they're delicious as my younger brother have tried it,hehehe!!), i can see in her eyes that she wanted to try those fudgee bars, yakult, stick-o and zesto that the other kids are having. this is my dilemma. we cant continue with gfcf 100%. well, i'll just see what happens in the future..

God Knows Exactly What He's Doing

this is my favorite poem... errr im not sure if this is a poem or what. =) well, i guess God has been watching me for the longest time and when i asked Him to bless me with a child i know He didn't commit a mistake..i know He knows exactly what He's doing...

Special Moms for Special Kids: God Knows Exactly What He's Doing
By Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.
This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of disabled children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint, Cecilia."
"Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.
I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised in midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice

celebrities walking the same walk

i found this list of celebrities whose kids were diagnosed with autism. pero bakit prang si jenny and si toni lang ang active sa autism world?
• Holly Robinson Peete⁶
...Television actress who was on 21 Jump Street and Hangin' with Mr. Cooper

Holly had twins born October 19, 1997 and one of them, Rodney Jr. was diagnosed with autism at age 3. Since then Holly has spoken openly about her son many times.

• Jenny McCarthy⁷

...Former Playboy playmate, actress, author and outspoken anti-vaccine activist

Her son, Evan, born May 18, 2002 has autism. Jenny now says Evan is completely cured. "I made a deal with God," she explains. "I said, 'You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it.'" She blames vaccines for her son's autism, despite the lack of scientific proof.

• John Schneider⁸

...Television actor who played Bo Duke in the 1980s show Dukes of Hazzard and in the 2000s starred in Smallville

John's son Chasen has Asperger's Syndrome. John says, "Chasen responded well to speech and language therapy and went from there to occupational therapy. Chasen learns incredibly quickly. The notion that you have to hire an expert to teach your child to play is a little hard to come to grips with. Chasen went through a lot of that and now does really well. But some things that most children just kind of learn by osmosis need to be taught to a child with Asperger's."

• Toni Braxton⁹

...Grammy award winning R&B singer/songwriter

Born March 31, 2003 her son Diezel was diagnosed with autism. "Songstress Toni Braxton appeared on The View today in her new role as a spokesperson to raise awareness for children diagnosed with autism. It is a subject that hit very close to home, since Toni Braxton's own youngest son, Diezel, 3, was diagnosed with autism in September 2006."

• Steven Stills¹⁰

...Of the famed music group Crosby, Stills, and Nash who had their heyday in the 1970s and sold millions of records

Son Henry Stills who was in Autism: The Musical. Henry was diagnosed at 3 with Asperger's syndrome. He had been spinning things and lining up cars. "I'm shy about going public with this," Stephen explains. Kristen, his mom, believes autism is caused by a combination between genetic predisposition and environmental toxins. "Henry didn't have the regressive thing," she explains. "He was always a little 'off.' It was more pronounced at 2 because that's when kids are more social."

• Dan Marino¹¹

...Hall of Fame quarterback for the NFL team Miami Dolphins

Born May 18, 1988, in the middle of Dan's successful football career, Michael Marino was diagnosed as a child. Today he seems like any other normal kid. Mikey says, "The only thing I really remember about having autism was wanting to say something and not being able to do it. It's pretty weird to explain. It's like you are a perfectly normal person on the inside, you know what you want to do, but you just can't do it. You know you want to say something, pick up something or do something, but you are just not able to do it."

• Doug Flutie¹²

...Retired quarterback who played in the NFL as well as Canadian Football League and others

Doug Flutie, Jr. was born on November 29, 1991. Up until the age of 2 1/2 he seemed to be developing normally and spoke in almost full sentences. Then the Fluties noticed a gradual change in Dougie; he seemed to be regressing. He went from speaking in sentences to phrases, then to single words. Eventually he lost all speech.

• Sylvester Stallone¹⁵

...Movie actor best known for starring in the Rambo and Rocky franchises

Seargeoh Stallone, Sly's youngest son who was born in 1979, was diagnosed wth autism around age 3. Seargeoh's mother, Sasha Czack, was Sly's first wife. Stallone has narrated videos on children with disabilities.

• Will Clark¹⁶

...Former Major League Baseball player nicknamed "The Thrill", best known for his time with the San Francisco Giants

Will's son, Trey, who was born around 1996 was diagnosed as autistic shortly after the age of 2. Since Will was still playing baseball at the time he admits that wife, Lisa, is the one who handled all the therapy appointments.

• John Travolta¹⁷

...Major actor and movie star

In mid-September of 2009 Travolta admitted before a grand jury that his late son, Jett, had autism. Prior to his statements on this day there was speculation from many people that his only son was autistic. Jett died after having a seizure at age 16.

when it rains... it pours

Year 2010 was not a great year for us. it was during this time when my daughter was formally diagnosed with ASD, my father in law passed away, my mother in law got sick, i have to leave my job, all our savings were used up. it was such a roller coaster ride and at age 28 i never imagined that life could be as difficult as this.

Year 2011 comes. new year, new hope. i wonder what moms with neurotypical kids wish for their child? sguro some moms are thinking of buying ipad for their kids pag nakakuha ng 85 na average sa card, or maybe some are planning a grand vacation with their kids this summer, or pasyal sa Enchanted Kingdom with the whole family.

But for me, iba ang gusto ko for my daughter. hahahaha, weird pero sana pag pumunta kami sa Toy Kingdom sana she will get a toy, show it to me, and tell me "mama pls buy this toy". naku baka maski worth ng 3 month na therapy nya ung toy na yun bibilin ko for her. =)

When it rains, it pours... last week my husband told me that he was offered to be the Assistant Section Manager of their department. it all depends on him if he will take it or not. last month may bagong lipat kami na neighbor and they have 2 kids. it's good kase it means that my daughter will have playmates na so i believe magiimprove ang social skills nya pag may kids around!! This afternoon the principal in my daughter's school spoke to me. she told me 3 things. first, dont let her wear diaper in school starting tomorrow( mam, hindi pa po completely toilet trained ang anak ko). second, please bring rice meal and peanut butter para daw mapractice ung tongue(ok po, i'll just bring her favorite ulam para kumain sya ng marami). third, mommy ang bilis ng progress nya, speech lang ang problema. pag tuloy tuloy ang progress nya until end of this school year ilalagay ko na sya sa mainstream (WHAT?! mainstream po?) yes mommy, kase ok na imitation skills nya, receptive,cognitive ang laki ng improvement.

So far this is the best news i have ever heard! all the hardships are worth it. im so proud of what she has become. in just a matter of 1 year i never thought that she will progress this fast. yes, my daughter is still autistic but im just happy to know that the path to recovery is not dark after all. is it because of biomedicine? traditional therapies? my unconditional love for her?well i guess yes, it's a combination of all of these. but above all i believe trusting God that He will provide our heart's desire is the answer to all my questions. we just need to hang in there even though we feel that the rope is getting shorter and shorter. then mkikita nlng natin na magpapadala ng helicopter si God pra di tayo mahulog. =) thank you Lord for all the blessings.

in my daughter's eyes-Martina Mcbride

this is the song i sing to my daughter even when she was still in my womb and until now i sing this to her when i put her to sleep.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

James Durbin and American Idol

I have been an fan of American Idol. i dont have the time to watch it every episode but when i do, im hoping to catch James Durbin performing.

I saw the episode during his audition. he was good looking and definitely has a great voice. Every singer has something to say about their life and their struggles, but James has caught my attention. As a child, he never met his father and was taking medications for sleep disorder. But when i saw one photo wherein he was not looking to the camera and his brother is holding his face to look to the camera, i felt that it was just not sleep disorder, i feel like there was something else. then he mentioned when he was younger other children made fun of him, asking him to stop what he's doing with his face.but he said he cant control it. then he said it.. he has Asperger Syndrome(high functioning autism) and Tourette.

he's so good that when i look at him i cant see any signs that he is an aspie. Then i think to myself, is he on biomed and gfcf diet or taking mb12 shots? hahahah!! if i could just vote, i would definitely give it to him. he has such a powerful voice and when he sings everything else seems to go away.

Seth Rollins was a contestant during the last season of American Idol. I remember him singing Someone to watch over me which he dedicated to his son who has autism. When he was about to go inside the audition room to meet with the judges, his son started to cry showing that separation could be really tough on the young guy.

Fix you- Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

MB12

Awww.. this is driving me crazy. would i stop it or not? before my daughter started with MB12 she was doing great in everything. good sleep, she was more focused, appetite greatly improved, hyperactivity was lessened, verbal stimming stopped, and lastly her imitation skill has gone from zero to 100. i believe all of these are the result of detox using ACS and ACZ. her metal toxicity result shows that she is high in arcenic, cadmium, lead, tin, and other 4 heavy metal that is why we are doing detox.

after 1 month then we started doing the MB12 shots, then my nightmare started to come back again. hyperactivity, poor appetite, drooling during the 1st 3 shots, sleeplessness, less compliant.

im hoping that these side effects will not last and im hoping to see the results soon. as i have read from the TACA website, 94% of children have been found to respond to Methyl-B12 therapy. Executive function is improved in 90% of children – things like awareness, cognition, appropriateness, eye contact when called, and “just being more like a normal kid.” Speech and language is improved in 80% of children – all phases including spontaneous language, more complex sentences, increased vocabulary, etc. Socialization and emotion is improved in 70% of the children – initiation and interactive play, understanding and feeling emotions, possibly for the first time or to a much more normal degree, etc. these exactly are the things i want my daughter to improve on. hoping the best for my little princess.

autism and biomedicine

When I became a mom, my life has changed drastically. it was the happiest moment of my life. i have made a pledge that i will do everything and anything for my daughter. So when i found out that she has ASD i didn't settle by just giving her therapy and early intervention.

Then i have learned about GFCF and Defeat Autism Now. During that time, Dra. Rhodora Ibasco was the only doctor who practices biomedicine in the Philippines. So i made a call to Comprehensive Center for Autism & Other Related for an appointment.

It was January 2010 when I started giving my daughter supplements. She has several issues that we wanted to address. Here's the list to name a few:

•  Constipation
•  Sleeplessness
•  No eye contact
•  Walks in tip toe
•  Does not look at object pointed
•  Not aware of surroundings
•  Repetitive movements like closing and opening of door, spinning wheels
•  Picky eater
•  High tolerance in pain

Dra. Ibasco already migrated to the USA and Dr. Samera was the one who took over the clinic. Buti na lang I did my assignment before going to the clinic so when he explain the supplements hindi naman ako natulala.=)
Just on the first appointment ang dami daming supplements agad ang binigay. Geez, how could my little girl take all those supplements!

Basic supplements given are as follows:

• Cod liver oil
• Syndion SF - this one costs Php4,500 and my daughter didn't want the taste no matter what we do she won't take it. (4,500 down the drain, hayzz)
• Calcium magnesium
• Zinc picolinate
• Probiotic support formula
• Truflora

Imagine, all those supplements plus GFCF diet. What else could be more difficult than these. But I'm glad to be doing these for my daughter coz I'm seeing positive results. Konting tyaga lang talaga but I know we are on the road to recovery.

After a few months of giving those supplements here are the changes:
**Please note that we have tried to do GFCF 100% kaya lang pag may occassion we cant avoid giving her "forbidden" foods.

• Eye contact improved
• Tip toeing was decreased
• There are occasions of inappropriate giggling
• Became hyperactive
• Verbal stimms
• Tapping of fingers
• Constipation still not resolved.

On Sept 2010 we decided to consult Dra. Girlmar Leones. She practices pediatrics and natural medicine. She's very warm and pleasant. she has dealt with a lot a kids with autism so i know we are in good hands. New doctor, new supplements. So aside to the basic that were given by Dr. Samera wherein few were stopped and additional supplements were given, here are the current supplements we are giving to my daughter.

• Cod liver oil
• Aloe vera
• Pure energy
• Melatonin
• MB12 oral
• Animal Parade
• Calcium Magnesium
• Zinc

 In a few days of taking it results are as follows:

• Better sleep at night. no more nap time for her. she has more energy during the day and sleeps soundly at night.
• She tries to eat meat now.
• Tantrums increased
• Hyperactivity is still present

first time blogger- my background

Year 1998 when i first started using a diary to jot down whats happening in my everyday life. and guess what, until now i still have that diary and my last entry was 2 weeks ago. then i realized, teka may iba pa bang gumagamit ng diary or ako na lang ata? lahat na yata ng tao blog na lng ng blog. so here I am, nakikiuso kaya blogger na rin ako ngayon. =)

To start off, let me give you a short background. I am a mom and a housewife. Eto na yata ang the best na trabaho sa earth. home based ka na nga, malaki pa ang sweldo. thanks to my ever loving and ever responsible and ever kind husband. in short the best husband.(hi there hubby!)

when i thought everything was going smoothly in my life... ASD came in and boom, narealize ko life is not so perfect at all. my one and only daughter caught it. sana parang fever lang na it will go away after taking a few meds, but its not. its a life long struggle and this is the journey we have to bravely face. after crying my self to sleep and to the shower and while watching tv narealize ko.. teka baka naman maubos na luha ko at wala pa ako nagagawa para sa anak ko. so i decided kumuha ng degree sa university of google and do my research. i have to find something. a treatment, a therapy, a cure, a miracle. what ever it takes para sa anak ko kelangan ko makita yun. by the way she was only 2 years old when i found out. mother's instinct lang. i know there is something wrong kahit na i'm miles away from her. and i was absolutely right. when i heard it straight from the developmental pedia's mouth, hindi na ako masyadong nagulat but i was hoping na sana mali ang instinct ko.